i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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