never play flip cup with pint glasses
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
