i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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