I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
