think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
