the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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