okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
