just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
