all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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