I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
