She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
pop tarts are not kleenex
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
