I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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