Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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