community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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