I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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