last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
