Whod you bang
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I could make wine with my vomit
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We had to coat check the pizza.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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