Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
