I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
