I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
