I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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