Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize