I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
