Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
