This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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