You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
