Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
