my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
