i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
