so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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