just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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