If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
