listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
