Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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