True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
