Porn is love you can see.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
