if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
