I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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