And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
