omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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