covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
