Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
