i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
