If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
