Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize