I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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