So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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