I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize