Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize