There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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