I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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