mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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