I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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