that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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