dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You are a genius and a whore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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