do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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