I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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